Life and Relationship Coaching is different than therapy.  If counseling is (at least in part) more
about the investigation of dysfunctional patterns, healing past trauma, transformation of self-
defeating thoughts, and personal growth, coaching is focused more on the present.  Life and
Relationship coaching is dynamic and goal-driven.  It asks the salient question:  What steps am I willing to take to get to where I want to be?  As a Life and Relationship coach, I will:

  1. Accompany you through the brainstorming and planning phases of identifying what it is you truly want.
  2. Give support and feedback during the week via face-to-face contacts, email and text.
  3. Serve as a sounding board to process struggles and a place to be accountable.
  4. Help to encourage you and to celebrate victories.

Examples of issues people would take to a Life or Relational coach are:

  • A change of careers
  • A desire to deepen with one’s intimate relationship
  • Support around artistic or creative endeavors
  • Enhanced familial connection
  • Parenting intentions

Tom has a remarkable gift for facilitating conversation and communication. He has life experiences that extend beyond academic and theoretical realm that are valuable and enhance his practice and how he relates to his patients. Tom’s wisdom and insight have been invaluable in providing us, both as a couple, and as individuals, with with tools for bettering our lives, our relationship, and ourselves.

Bianca and Jeff, Albuquerque, NM
When we first met with Tom I was nervous to go! I felt vulnerable and I was scared that I was going to be blamed for everything wrong with our marriage.  I was happy to find out that it was quite the opposite. Tom was kind and understanding.  As Tom says “have a light touch” not everything has to be so intense.  Tom gave us great tools to work on our communication. We do not see Tom regularly anymore and I think that is the point.  We have grown individually and as a couple. It is always nice to know Tom is there if things get tough.
Charlotte K., Albuquerque, NM
Tom has really helped us learn to communicate in healthier ways, focussing on generosity of spirit. We have worked with Tom on two separate periods over the past 5 years. Each time Tom has skillfully guided us to learn new ways of being, and how to grow and strengthen our marriage. He provides a compassionate and safe place to deal with strong emotions and and to explore new perspectives.
Robin A. and Ron F.

My husband and I feel that Tom was put into our lives for a reason.  My husband often says he “saved my life” and I can certainly say he helped save our marriage.  Tom has treated us in Albuquerque for the past five and a half years.  He has seen my family through sobriety, job loss and career change, cancer, and every thing in between.  We have shared our most vulnerable moments with this man and his compassion, empathy, and commitment to us has been present at every turn.

Rosemary H.
I don’t know if I have the words to do justice to how thankful I am that we went to Tom as a therapist both personally and for our marriage.  Our marriage had basically ended when we decided to try working with Tom.  He truly transformed my husband, myself, and our relationship.  We now communicate healthier, love each other more fully, and work through differences with the tools he showed us how to use.  There isn’t a day that goes by that we don’t use something Tom taught us.  He provided us a safe space where we were able to work through some very difficult and uncomfortable issues and we felt we could trust him to be on both our sides and never judge.
Melissa T.
Tom Bender is a wonderful therapist.  He has helped us in so many ways regarding couples counseling.  Our relationship has taken on a new commitment and zest that would not have been possible without him. 
Anonymous, Albuquerque, NM
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